Thoughts on Slavery

Dear Diary,

Lol. i just got a text from Her "You still have to edge even though you woke up here"

:-)

i am getting used to it. 

Okay, Slavery. The word doesn't bother me like it used to. i realize it's not used like in the chattel sense. It means ownership in a caring way. A loving way. The owner isn't buying livestock. They are taking possession, and therefore responsibility, of a valued, treasured possession. 

It's not like vanilla world perspective, or the wannabes on Twitter, the Owner doesn't want to damage the slave. All the "punishment" and tasks and challenges are all for a purpose. You learn and grow. Safely though under the guidance and protection of your Owner. 

Okay, i am lecturing my Diary! lol 

So the word Slavery don't bother me like it used to. But it does scare me. Scares me because it means giving up so much. No, giving EVERYTHING to someone else. 

It also scares me because a part of me wants it. 

i managed to catch up on tweeting notes from the books i've been reading. 

i am stuck on Miss Abernathy's because the next Exercise while simple is emotionally very difficult. (i can hear Mistress B "Just do it Babydoll, it will be good for you" "Yes Mam" lol. 

Something i am confused about is i have been crying all week, Miss Kitty says she thinks Mistress is working me really hard, last night Mistress said She was being too hard on me (i think that is what she said, i am all confused now) yet everything i read says new subs need to be pushed hard in the beginning. And i can take it. i want to be good, no great for Her and if that means crying an hour every day after i get home, so be it. i love her for worrying about me but really, i am tougher than it seems. 

i want to be the best i can for Her. 

Anyway this came up because we talked about my thoughts about the word. She was glad i had gotten comfortable with it because She would never pressure me but ultimately that was what She really wanted. 

And She wanted me to think about it. 

So i am thinking about it. 

And it both scares me and enticed me. 

t