Crying

Dear Diary,

i finally got up the nerve to call Her. Or more actually i finally got scared not to call Her. 

i was talking to a Dark Desires and i finally just said fuck it (to myself) and decided i had to and if She was still mad, well i would take whatever She was going to do to me. 

Dark Desires tried to explain the dynamics of spanking to me but i didn't really get. i understood the part about what he got out of it but not what the person being spanked got other that pain and humiliation. 

Very perceptive of him. A little foreshadowing if i  had paid attention. 

So i called her. She was kind of cold but said thank you for reading what i did. All the stuff i read this evening about begging fell out my ear hole so i just babbled some kind of apology. 

She just asked me if i was doing anything this evening. It wouldn't have mattered if i did i wasn't going to say no. i think She knew it too. (Of course She does now.) so when i said no She told me to come over. 

Of course the dive took me 17 hours, or at least it seemed. 

i got there and went up to the door and knocked. She was waiting for me because the door opened right away. i stepped inside. (It's still below freezing here).

i started to say something but Her look said not to. So i started undressing and i heard her say Good Girl and walk into the living room. 

Once i had folded my clothes and putting them into the closet i looked up and She waved me over to Her. She was sitting in her chair. i looked around to see where to sit when She said to just stand there in front of her. 

"We are going to finish your punishment now and get it behind us. Do you understand?"

Yes Mam

"One of the nice things about the D/s lifestyle is that when you do something wrong, I punish you then it's done. Over with. Tomorrow it is forgotten. Do you understand little t?

Yes Mam. 

I doubt you really do but remember what I said and eventually you will. 

Then i heard three beeps from my phone with the Twitter sound. Miss smiled and said someone probably knew I was here and was worried about me. 

She told me to go mute or turn off my phone then come back. i did. 

When i got back She told me to tell Her why i was being punished.  i said because i hadn't read the book. 

She said yes but mainly because She had asked me to and then told me to and i hadn't. It was arrogant to imply i thought my plans were more important than Her wishes. Did i understand that?

Yes Mam. 

Then She told me to come lay over Her knees and She was going to spank me. 

i started to babble something like please no but laid over Her knees anyway. 

She ask you never got a spanking growing up, right?

No Mam. 

Ok well this will hurt but not as much as you think it is. 

She rubbed my right cheek then Wham!

i think i was too surprised to feel the pain. 

Good Girl. Now thank me. 

i hesitated because I was in a daze. Thank You Mam. Good now count. That was one. We are just doing 10 this first time. 

i just laid there and She said "Count". 

One i said. Good Girl. 

Rub rub rub Twack!

Either She hit harder or i wasn't as surprised because it hurt. 

She just sat there and i figured it out. Two Thank You Mam. 

i will spare the details because this is not porn it's a diary. 

After ten She told me to go stand in the corner facing it and my now very red butt facing her. She said this was called Corner Time and to stand there thinking about what i did wrong and the punishment. 

After a while (i found out it was exactly 15 min) she called me over to Her. She pulled me into Her lap and saw i had been crying so wiped my cheeks and said that's it baby doll. It's over now. 

i started crying again and She just rocked me and wiped my tears and hugged and held me for a long time. (Turned out to be 30 minutes or so. )

Then She asked if i understood it was over. She wasn't upset anymore? i said i think so. She said it was. Trust Her. 

Then She said She wanted me back tomorrow evening. Was i free?

i was so that's the plan. 

She told me to go home and rest. She still wanted me to try meditation and a good night text and to write in my diary tonight. 

i told her I didn't feel like it tonight and she just said do it. 

So here it is

t

PS i am crying again