Loosing track of days

Dear Diary,

Crap. Just found out there is a Denver rope bondage group but their monthly meeting was this afternoon!

Crap again! That Sunday and now it's Tuesday. 

Ok, i found out there are actually two rope groups in Denver. i haven't made contact with either one yet. 

Seems my mornings are edging and evenings i sometimes get orgasms. Sometimes not. She seemingly randomly has me masterbate and get close 1, 2, or 3 times before cumming. So most times i do but never know when i start. 

Oh, and i have to ask permission to cum and She has to say yes. And i have to thank her afterwards. 

Not exactly carefree love making. But still, it's better orgasms than i used to have. 

i mentioned the idea of Little Red Riding Hood and Big Bad Wolf costumes and she liked the idea. I was thinking a faux fur coat for her and stereotypical Red Riding Hood for me. :-)

So, the big new of today is just as classes ended and the little minions were filling out i got a text from Her saying not to leave yet. She was going home with me!!!

i mean my place was a mess! i texted back saying i would go and clean the place and She texted back no, wait for me. Then "Panties off. Now." 

God She makes me wet. 

Elementary gets out much earlier than high so i used the time to work on future lesson plans and soaking my chair. 

Finally She texted asking where to meet. She followed me home. 

SHE FOLLOWED ME HOME!

i opened the door and held in for Her. She smiled said Good Girl then walked in. I showed Her the place. She wanted to know what my place looked like so She could imagine me in it. 

Then She went into my bedroom and started tossing clothes from my dresser and closet onto the bed. She handed me Her keys and told me to get the boxes out of Her back seat. 

When i got back probably half of all my clothes (and shoes!) were on the bed. She told me to pack it all up. 

She had taken all my pants except two jeans (school) all my t-shits (except my sleep shirt) all my flats and all but one pair of tennis shoes. 

i won't bother with the details but she wants to make me look more feminine. 

So i packed up four big boxes and carried them to her car. 

i got back in and she took me into a big bear hug (wolf hug? :-) and we kissed like 10 min. 

She said not to worry about the clothes, we would go shopping. i didn't even know how to respond. 

Then She said "Make me dinner" and flopped into my recliner. 

So i cooked while She watched me. Made me a little nervous. She asked what i was thinking of and i said "You" and She said Good Girl and smiled. 

After we finished i washed the plates and She pulled me into the bedroom and we "made passionate love". :-). i did my first 69 with a woman and spent a long time eating Her out. She taste good :-). 

Not the same as sucking cock i have to admit. i'm going to miss that :-(

Anyway She left real early. She told me not to shower. She wanted to smell both of us. Romantic in an odd way. 

t

So now i guess i am a lesbian! lol

Dear Diary,

So, last night was,well, interesting. Informative at least. 

Same routine Friday night. She talked me up. When i was close She said Stop. After a few minutes She told me to start again and when i was right there, She said Stop again. Few minutes later She said to start again. Almost there and She said Stop again. 

And She said that's it. No orgasm tonight. i was so frustrated i blurted out "Why!"

She said "Because your orgasms belong to me and I don't want you to."

So the next half hour (i am guessing) was Her explaining how my orgasms were going to work. She wanted me to keep edging every morning. That was to remind me that my orgasm were not in my control and to keep me sexually peaked which was important to my orgasm training. 

Then She explained that the evenings were to train my control over my orgasm. We were only just beginning a long program. Next i would learn to control the intensity of my orgasms. Then how many waves each had had how to control that. Way down the road She would be able to give me an orgasm with only a command. (%##||}#>???)

Anyway She said there was no secret. i could ask questions anytime, read about it, but the most important things for me to know was She owned my orgasms, not me. i should beg Her before any orgasm (we are going to go over that soon, for now just ask). And regardless of whether or not i came, to thank her for the training. 

Okay...

So i slept on that. Not sure how i feel but if it made her happy... And it's not like i wasn't getting any orgasms. i was having more and better orgasms than ever. The edging sucks but i was getting used to it, more or less. 

So this morning i get a message to wear a skirt. Above the knee. i asked why and she just said "because I asked you to."

i said it was 32 out. She said it would warm up. i just said ok. And a skirt it is. 

I showed up at Mistress's house at 5 till, messaged a friend (She saw your message after i handed Her my phone and smiled :-) then went up to the door. Knocked, She let me in, i opened the closet door. Took my clothes off, put on the heels then took the groceries into the kitchen. As i came back into the living room and handed her my phone. She told me to park. 

i sat on my pillow and waited. 

She asked how much the groceries cost. i told Her and She said that's more than $10 isn't it? i said of course. She said did you forget you were not supposed to spend over $10 without permission? i assumed since She knew i was making dinner and She interrupted me saying never assume anything. No expenditures over $10. 

Then She said She still hadn't received my essay on Pain vs Pleasure Spanking which was due. When i said i got busy She said it didn't matter if i was in the hospital, it was still due and She didn't have it. 

She told me how could i honestly want formal training when i couldn't even follow the most basic and easy commands? When we start formal training, IF we start formal training i would have a hundred more rules and dozens of more tasks. Now did i understand why She kept saying i want ready?

What She was giving me wasn't even D/s lite. It was barely D/s for dummies. 

She looked at me and could see i was hurt so She leaned down and kissed me and told me we'll get there and smiled. 

Now, She said, i would have to be punished. Did i have the Ben Wa balls in? i told her i did. She said to go into the bathroom and take them out. This would be a punishment spanking and i was not supposed to get any pleasure from it. 

So i went to the bathroom, remembering to leave the door open, and took the balls out and washed them off. 

i came back and She was holding an old worn belt. She told me to put the balls on my pillow and lay over Her lap. 

She then repeated why i was being punished and said next time i would have to tell Her why. Then She said it would hurt and she said i would probably cry both from embarrassment and from pain but that was ok. No one here but the two of us and She wanted them. They were cleansing. Lastly she told me to count the spanks and thank Her after each one. Each time i forgot didn't count. i asked how many and She said She had a number but She didn't want me predicting then end. 

The first slap hurt so bad I screamed and She waited then said that one didn't count because i wasn't counting. 

Anyway it hurt like hell. i couldn't believe She was hitting me so hard but i was determined to stay there and take it. She was worth it. 

i was crying by four and got an extra 3 or 4 because i didn't count or thank Her. But at 20 She stopped and said "Good Girl" and said "Now it's over. Now kiss me."

Then she pulled me into her lap and wiped my tears then kissed me and said to lay back down and held up some cream. It both soothing and hurt but i knew it was a good idea. 

She then kissed me again and said to go get dressed we were going out. 

i was actually glad i wasn't wearing pants as they would have rubbed the welts on my ass. 

So She drove and i tried not to think of the pain of the welts (or the pink elephants). Turns out she was taking me to get my hair done!

i tried not to squirm as much of my hair (it seemed) disappeared. Well it turned out cute! i love it and so did Mistress. It's not really that much shorter but it feels like it. 

Just above the shoulder, little wavy body. Easy to care for and looks casual / playful. 

So next we went for a mani-pedi. So relaxing! Almost forgot about my butt. Almost. Ok, not at all but it was still really nice. 

Then we went for lunch. She acted like nothing happened and we were just two ladies at lunch. 

i asked Her later and she said it was over. Once we dealt with it it was over. 

We went home and She said to show Her what i found about Gorean Slave positions and Lesbian sex positions. She handed me my phone and i showed Her. She chuckled at some of the Lesbian ones but She said i did good. Send Her copies and memorize them. She would test me next week!

Then She turned on the tv and told me to sit and either watch tv read or whatever i wanted. i laid my head in her lap and took a nap. 

She woke me up an hour later to go to the bathroom. When She came back She told me to show Her my rope.  She told me to put on the cinch like i did for sleep. She said it was way to loose. She took out some EMS scissors and cut the rope shorter. She said She wanted me to be able to get out but it shouldn't be easy. She gave me the scissors to keep. 

Eventually i made dinner. Another success. :-)

After i did the dishes i went back to ask her if she wanted anything else. She said "Come here" and grabbed me into Her lap and kissed me. Then both our hand went roving. Only took a couple minutes for me to cum when She found my cunt (i typed vagina then backspaced to type cunt. i am such a prude! lol)

She looked at me and said "What about me? You couldn't wait for me?" And laughed. 

She took me by the hand into the bedroom and tied my arms to each headboard like last time then stripped and said "You remember what "The Rocket" is?"  When i said no She laughed and said look it up. The She crawled up and put her pussy right in my face.

i guess my lesbian virginity went away last night. i HAVE NO IDEA WHY i WAS SO WORRIED! lol Sex is sex. Just comes natural. After several orgasms She went down on me. 

i know i am supposed to ignore my reading audience but if you ever get a chance to be tied spread eagle and have someone go down on you. OH. MY. GOD.

Them She untied me and we made love in more ways and more positions than that stupid Cosmo article had. lol 

Eventually we fell asleep with sticky legs and fingers and sticky chins and faces. And i couldn't have been happier. :-)

Once again i woke first and managed to get out of bed and into the kitchen without waking Her up (unless she fakes it) made coffee and poured some OJ. Brought it into the bedroom and She woke up. Probably my heels. 

She took a big drink of OJ, a sip of coffee the grabbed me and pulled me into bed with her. We cuddled and i could have stayed there forever. 

Eventually She got up and said stay there. Then apparently changed her mind and tied my arms back to the bedposts and went to take a shower. When she was done she stuck her head out and smiled. Then finished drying and dressing. 

She came back to me and asked "If I untie you do you promise not to run away?"

i assured her i wasn't going anywhere so She untied me and told me to go make fresh coffee then take a shower. 

i did and She came into the kitchen and just sat and watched me. i asked Her why and She said She liked to. Then added "Definitely need slave bells" with a smile. i rolled my eyes at her and finished the coffee and went to take a shower. 

When i was done we sat and talked. And touched. We were very touchy lol. She told me how beautiful i was (please. She was the beautiful one!) and how lucky She was to have me (wrong. i was the lucky one) and all kinds of D/s romantic stuff. :-)

New rules:

No pants. Only skirts or dresses except at work

Memorize the Gorean slave positions

Memorize lesbian sex positions

Punishment vs Pleasure spanking essay

Then She reminded me i still had to edge this morning and sent me home. 

t

TGIF one day to SATURDAY!

Dear Diary,

Catching up. Wednesday night She took me directly to orgasm and last night to the brink twice before orgasming on the third time. 

i don't understand but the orgasms are good and i am sure She has a plan. 

She told me Wednesday night She was very pleased i apparently was "getting it" based on what i was highlighting and tweeting from my reading (yeah!) but i was too focused right now on Formal Training. She is glad i am interesting in it because She plans on it and with most girls She would start right away. But i am such a baby, so innocent (Her words) that She wanted to wait till i was more familiar and comfortable with the lifestyle and had a better idea what to expect. 

Well that was Wednesday night. Apparently i grumbled or complained too much because She told me last night to clear my schedule for Spring Break (first week of April) and we would do a trial run (!!!)

She reminded me to put in the Ben Wa balls before leaving my place Saturday morning and to bring my rope binding stuff and the rest of the rope. She said to be there at 10am ("Don't be late!" lol like i would be late) as She had something special planned. She told me She'd leave the door unlocked so just let myself in. 

She said clams were fine yesterday after reading my Diary. i had everything i need but milk and clams and i stopped by to get them last night. 

So I am all ready!

Between the edging every morning and the tiered orgasms every night i am constantly thinking about sex and orgasms and Her. 

She told me to research Gorean positions and Lesbian sex positions (!!!) and we would talk about them Saturday. i found web pages and descriptions for both. Who knew there 28 different Lesbian sex positions?

Does that mean? God i am so nervous...

t

Thinking of Saturday

Dear Diary,

i think She is right. i am not ready for strict training. Or strict anything. i am not even disciplined enough for the most basic thing like writing a diary. At first i just didn't like that others ere reading it but honestly sometimes i even forget. But that's not it now. i just seem to lack the self-discipline. 

Maybe that's what She is waiting for. i am getting better at a lot of other stuff. i was going to say something but i guess it's only ben a couple weeks. Less really because She's added stuff. 

i know i forget Sir and Miss a lot. I need to ask for clarification on when and how often on that. 

But i know i have gotten a lot better on capitalization and lowercase. 

Anyway, so last She took me to the brink of orgasm, made me hold it then took me all the way second time. First time third time and now second. I sense there is s method to what She's doing but it's me. All i know is either that or the edging ever morning is causing really strong orgasms. 

She asked me what was for dinner Saturday. (i think She's starting to like this :-). When i said i don't know, I hadn't thought about it She said She wanted Italian. Nice to have Her pick. She said She would take care of the wine. 

So i am thinking a fettuccine with a white cream sauce. Mushrooms or clams. i wonder how she feels about clams. Better ask. Spring salad and garlic bread? Yummy!

t

Tuesday

Dear Diary,

💕 So i called last night before bed and She talked me through another orgasm. Different this time. When i told Her i was about to cum She told me to wait. To hold it. Then She just talked to me for a while. The She told me to start again. When i told Her i was about to cub She did it again! After a bit She told me to start again. It was kind of like edging but different. 

Finally this to like when i told Her i was about to cum She said okay Babydoll and did Her countdown thing then told me to cum for Her. 

i wanted to just fall asleep but She told me i hadn't thanked her yet. So i did. Then She told me to lick my fingers clean and while i was doing it She said it all belonged to Her and was so proud of me. 

:-)

I looked it up and the June birthstone is Pearl or Alexandrite. Hmm... :-)

Oh, She told me She was teasing me about sending me to a trading camp this summer but she had heard of a M/s Bed and Breakfast that sounded fun!

The morning ritual of texting Her then edging is becoming automatic. And the edging feels different now. i mean mentally not physically. Knowing its part of Her orgasm control program makes it seem different. 

Got home. Panties off. Also automatic now. i don't even go into bedroom. Just step in the door and take them off. 

Texted Mistress and she immediately texted back "Love you Babydoll.

<swoon>

Then she called and we talked. She said all the reading and learning i was doing was great, more than She expected. But She said to slow down. i was just a baby and a lot of the stuff i was learning was WAY beyond me. 

She said She could tell i was hungry for more structure and she had some ideas She would talk with me about Saturday. She also said to insert the Ben Wa balls before i leave home and bring the rope i had been tying my wrists with at night. She wanted to check something. Also bring any extra. 

Homework:

"Be prepared to share these fears with your prospective Owner in a candid fashion and to think of ways to allay them."

lol i had already thought of that!

There will be a phone call tonight. 

Not feeling chatty right now. i will try to write more later. 

t

Careful what you write

Dear Diary,

"While the exercises here are brief, they are meant to be completed slowly."

i am not sure Miss Abernathy had three days in mind. i really need to get back to this. 

Okay, it says do this here, which means not only will Mistress B see it but so will my wife "audience". 

Well, humility (and therefore embarrassment is good for me right?) :-/ i am learning but it's not second nature yet. 

Exercise: In your slave journal, write a list of your fears regarding a live-in relationship.

1) i am afraid i will give up everything and give my heart only to be crushed. Yeah i know that not realistic but it's my fear

2) i am afraid of being outed and loose my job. People are real sensitive about their kids being taught by a lesbian let alone a sex slave. i know that's what i am but that is what people will think

3) i am worried i will loose me. i will loose Tracy and become little t which is amazing and i love it but i kinda like Tracy too

lol Mistress just called. She just read my Diary. She said as far as my comment about maybe needing a more formal and stricter training program She said "Yes you do but not yet. You are not ready for that"

She does care :-)

Of course She also said something about sending me to an intensive camp for a month this summer. i couldn't tell if She was teasing or not. :-/

t

Tough day

Dear Diary,

Oh god. She let me cum. 

Just got home and had a rough day. The kids were monsters today!

Anyway, i called Her last night just before i went to sleep instead of the text and She talked me all the way to an orgasm. Like She said She had me tell Her when i was about to cum then she told me to hold it and counted down 5,4,3,2,1 then said "cum for me baby" and believe me i did. 

She said She was proud of me and loved me (*melt*) and She was so happy i took to this new way of orgasming. It was how it always would be. i liked the "always" part :-)

So edging isn't so bad if i get this! lol 

Looking forward to tonight:-)

Then the day went rough but one fun part was Molly (fellow teacher) really like my new necklace! If she only knew!

i think i forgot to say Mistress changed the BDSM symbol for a simple ruby looking stone. It's my birth stone. I am July and Mistress is June. Don't know what stone that is. She kept it and said She would change it as necessary. 

Ok, in my reading among a ton of other stuff i tweeted from Dom's Guide to Submissive's Training by Elizabeth Creamer i quoted "With its emphasis on learning, changing and trust, training is the most important time in your relationship."

i am understanding more and more and wonder if maybe i do need a more formal intense training. 

Just food for thought i guess. 

I am feeling down tonight. Wish i could curl up in Mistresses's lap. :-(

t

Thoughts on Slavery

Dear Diary,

Lol. i just got a text from Her "You still have to edge even though you woke up here"

:-)

i am getting used to it. 

Okay, Slavery. The word doesn't bother me like it used to. i realize it's not used like in the chattel sense. It means ownership in a caring way. A loving way. The owner isn't buying livestock. They are taking possession, and therefore responsibility, of a valued, treasured possession. 

It's not like vanilla world perspective, or the wannabes on Twitter, the Owner doesn't want to damage the slave. All the "punishment" and tasks and challenges are all for a purpose. You learn and grow. Safely though under the guidance and protection of your Owner. 

Okay, i am lecturing my Diary! lol 

So the word Slavery don't bother me like it used to. But it does scare me. Scares me because it means giving up so much. No, giving EVERYTHING to someone else. 

It also scares me because a part of me wants it. 

i managed to catch up on tweeting notes from the books i've been reading. 

i am stuck on Miss Abernathy's because the next Exercise while simple is emotionally very difficult. (i can hear Mistress B "Just do it Babydoll, it will be good for you" "Yes Mam" lol. 

Something i am confused about is i have been crying all week, Miss Kitty says she thinks Mistress is working me really hard, last night Mistress said She was being too hard on me (i think that is what she said, i am all confused now) yet everything i read says new subs need to be pushed hard in the beginning. And i can take it. i want to be good, no great for Her and if that means crying an hour every day after i get home, so be it. i love her for worrying about me but really, i am tougher than it seems. 

i want to be the best i can for Her. 

Anyway this came up because we talked about my thoughts about the word. She was glad i had gotten comfortable with it because She would never pressure me but ultimately that was what She really wanted. 

And She wanted me to think about it. 

So i am thinking about it. 

And it both scares me and enticed me. 

t

World looks brighter

Dear Diary,

Well, still no privacy but She explained why. As well as a lot of other things. 

First off, DINNER ROCKED! Turned out easy and She loved it! (For those of you who missed it i made a new recipe Chicken with Yogurt and Indian spices and made Saffron Rice to go with it). She wants me to cook more for Her :-)

So, i get there around 9am. She said i could come early! :-). i knock and she lets me in. I strip and fold my clothes. Open the closest door and there is a little box inside. The note on top says open in front of Mistress. i look and She has already gone to Her chair. So i put my clothes in and put on the heels and get the box out of the closet. 

i can't carry everything so i take the groceries into the kitchen the go back for the box. i carry the box into the living room where She is. She tells me to kneel on the pillow. She said it's called "parking". If i was ever done doing a task and didn't know what to do or She gave me the command to "park" i should "park" on my pillow and wait for instructions. 

She then told me to open the box. It was the day collar i wanted! I asked about the BDSM symbol and She said She would exchange it with another before i left but She liked it for now. 

So She said to bow my head and She fastened it on. She said only to take it off to shower or bath. She said if we took the next step and i was an official slave in training She had found an all metal one that passed in the vanilla world but locked on. 

Anyway She said She had lots to tell me but i needed to be punished for not finishing the essay on Pleasure vs Punishment Spanking and She wanted to get it over with. She explained that She believed me i got 999 words and then it got deleted but i never finished it and gave it to Her. It didn't matter why, it wasn't done and i had to be punished. 

So, she told me to go stand in my corner. (Not sure i like that i already have my own corner for punishment.) She told me to face one of the walls and put my hands behind my back. 

i felt her tie my hand together with some rope (She told me later that wasn't part of the punishment but to make me feel more comfortable. The rope i guess). Then She put a quarter on the wall in front of my fave and top me to press my nose against it and hold it there. If it dropped the timer started over. She said to concentrate on obeying Her orders. Prioritize them as more important than anything else. 

She told me when I was done it was 10 minutes but it seemed like an hour. 

When I was done She told me to come give her a kiss. Then She told me to go make coffee for us both. 

i walked into the kitchen and felt tears starting to come but i held it together until i got back with the coffee. Mistress saw and pulled me into her lap and told me to let it go. 

So i did. She held me and rocked me and wiped my tears. When i finally got myself somewhat together She said baby, that's no good. She didn't want me to go through that. She planned the new changes would make things much easier for me. 

She explained that the reason She was going so fast and so hard on me was because every time She gave me another order i just took it. i never complained. She couldn't tell how tough it was on me. That's why it's so important for me to open up EVERYTHING to Her. That is why i could have no privacy. 

Anyway, She told me to go get dressed and wait at the door. "We are going shopping!" She said. 

And we did but the good/bad news was we went shoe shopping. She had seen me tweet that i couldn't walk in heels so i was going to get practice. She bought me plain black patent 4" heels. She said that was a good place to start. i rolled my eyes but she said she was serious. 

Not sure i am excited about that. 

We went for an early lunch. i had a really really good time. 

We went back to Her place. As i expected i was a baby giraffe in those heels. But She kept saying how good i looked. 

Finally She was satisfied and told me to "park"

She told me She had made some changes to my Rules and Tasks list but she wanted to do them over from scratch. 

She apologized because she had been doing things wrong for a complete amateur. She needed to explain everything. That wouldn't be necessary late but She needed to build absolute trust fist. 

She explained that the morning edging and checking for staying wet was first off to establish that my orgasms no longer belonged to me. They were Hers. It was also part of an orgasm control program. It's a long term project but eventually i would be able to orgasm on command from Her with no warm up and no touching. 

She was convicted I was constantly aroused so i could stop the hourly checks. 

She still wanted me to edge in the mornings. It made sure I was focused and reminded me that i couldn't orgasm without her permission. That belonged to her. 

Every night now instead of texting She wanted me to call Her. If She didn't answer to text. If She did she wanted me to masturbate with Her on the phone and tell Her just before so She could say "Five... Four... Three... Two... One. Cum for Mistress ". i was to hold it until i heard that and then thank Her. She knew it sounded strange at first but would become second nature. (Was she kidding? That sounded awesome!)

She said the whole ritual was important to everything else. 

Ok. i got it! Lol

"X"s on the spreadsheets meant don't worry about it for now. 

She did want me to finish Abernathy's and start on the meditation book. I needed Abernathy's to understand D/s and M/s and so i would understand what She was talking about. The Meditation I needed to process all the new information and changes. It would have help prevent all the crying. 

She still wanted my spanking essay next week. 

She wanted me to keep carrying the rope around. It was important for me to be used to it. It's my kink but also my security blanket. 

i could stop automatically return following people but when i did i still needed to invite them to my Diary and Tasks. 

She then asked me if i had any questions. 

I asked her why she kept embarrassing me. 

She said she admitted partially just because she liked it but also it was part of my training. When She decided to accept me as Her erotic slave (more in a bit) She took on a huge responsibility. As my Mistress She was responsible for my growth, health and happiness. In order to do that She had to control five main areas of my life, one of which is my privacy. She said that is turning out to be the most difficult. 

She needed transparency of thought. She needed to know what I was thinking or how could She help me learn and grow and mold me?

Lot of food for thought there i am still sorting through but She was so passionate and adamant about it. It's obviously important to Her. i guess me to. 

Anyway She said why don't you go fix dinner. i looked at her and asked what time it was. 4pm! i couldn't believe we had been talking that long! Obviously my Diary Isn't a transcript and I left some things out. :-)

i told Her it should take an hour or less. She said ok and asked how i liked cooking for her. I loved it!

She said so does She. Just plan on every Saturday unless we had other plans. 

Yes!

How about doing the dishes? i told her i didn't really mind normally anyway but strangely i got a lot of self-satisfaction or something from doing them for Her. It was different somehow. 

She smiled and said it was. 

But then she shooed me into the kitchen. 

Just a quick interruption to say not once during this whole time did I feel awkward or even think about the fact that i was naked. Amazing. It just felt normal. She acted the same way. i would never guessed that possible a month ago. Still don't believe it. 

So i made the chicken yogurt dish i mentioned and it turned out great. It was a big hit with Her too. 

After dinner i cleared the table and washed the dishes (by hand again. i think we both forgot to put it on the Rules but i remember Her saying so) and when i was done i remembered what She said and went to the pillow and sat down. She looked up from her book and smiled and said "Good Girl" then leaned over and kissed me. 

i melted. 

She pulled me up into her lap and to me to masterbate for her but stop before i came. 

Long story shot i did. Just like edging every morning. When i stopped She said I was beautiful and i was Hers and She wanted me to cum for Her but to tell Her when i got close. So i started again and when i got close She did what She said earlier and did the countdown and said "cum for me and i exploded.  It had been so long and i felt so close to Her and yes controlled by Her and it felt amazing. Just the thought that yeah, i orgasmed but the orgasm want really mine. It was Hers even though my body did it. i guess that makes it Her body. 

i realize this doesn't make any sense but it doesn't make any more sense now than it did then. But it was beautiful. And She just held me which also was beautiful. 

After a while i reached for Her breasts but She just said not yet baby. 

She turned on the TV and we watched some crappy movie. She told me to go make some popcorn and something to drink. i asked her what She wanted and She said "I guess I don't know what wine pairs with popcorn" and we both laughed and said diet coke would be good.

So we ate popcorn and drank diet coke and watched tv and i fell asleep!

She woke me up and dragged me into the bedroom and put me under the covers. She handed me the rope cinch thing and took her clothes off (damn She was beautiful) and got in bed next to me as i finished pulling the ropes tight. 

She said this really is wearing you out isn't it. When i said i was ok She got serious and said no you're not and that was exactly what she was talking about earlier. By saying i was ok when i really wasn't i was lying to Her. No matter what type of relationship we had, vanilla, D/s or M/s it just wouldn't work if i lied to her. i had to decide now what i wanted. Did i want a relationship or not? If so i had to be completely honest and open with her. 

i told her i did. Old habits die hard so be patient with me but yes that's what i wanted. 

She said that's not how it works in these kind of relationships. i should expect to be punished when i made mistakes. Sometimes it would be harsh and sometimes like today but punishment is how i would learn. 

i felt weird because she was scaring me but i also felt really safe and comforted? at the same time. 

Then she kissed me and we went to sleep. 

Turns out i am more a morning person than She is and again woke up before She did. Snuck out, untied my wrists and put my heels on and went to the kitchen to make coffee. 

This time She came into the kitchen. I told Her next week i wanted to make Her breakfast too. She smiled and said she would like it and she wanted to watch me. 

i blushed. She said she had plans for last night but i needed time. She also was going to add stuff which she knew i could do but She decided to hold off. So we drank coffee and talked about nothing. 

She asked what i planned to cook next week. i said i had no idea. She said to surprise Her. 

Yeah, no pressure there!

When we finished coffee She went over Rule and Task changes. 

Then She said "kiss me". I did and melted and all was right in the world. 

A month ago i was a straight vanilla woman and today i am a submissive (slave?)(i forgot to cover that. Later) who feels like a 20 year old. Lol

t