I had insomnia again last night. I need to read instead of checking Twitter.
Miss B sent me a text early "Good morning Babydoll. I hope you slept well. Tell me when you wake". I answered immediately "I'm up Mam". She asked if I slept well. "Yes Mam" which of corse was a lie and once she reads this she will know. :-(
A challenge writing this Diary.
She said she still wanted me to come to her place if it was safe but not to come if it wasn't. Checked the weather and -4. I told her I would try but promised to turn back if it was too bad.
She said Good Girl (*melt*) then told me there was a Starbucks on the exit to her place and to get two hot chocolate or espresso whichever I liked.
She also reminded me no orgasms. Yes Mam.
I should have posted that before I left. Cest la vie
So it was freezing (actually well below freezing) and lots of snow and ice but low traffic so I drove slow. I was late but stopped by the Starbucks and got two hot chocolate and two almond scones.
I finally got there at 10:15ish. She has a nice but not fancy house. Quaint.
I wanted to wear a pretty skirt for her but at -2 it was far too cold. (As it turns out it wouldn't matter).
So I gathered my purse and the hot chocolate and scones (glad I remembered to get extra hot!) and went up to the front door.
She opened it as soon as I knocked obviously waiting for me. :-)
She told me to set the coffee (she didn't know yet it was hot chocolate) on the table by the chair next to the fire then come back. She hadn't seen the scones either but I set them down with the coffee and went back to her.
She grabbed both my hands in hers and said she was really glad I came.
Then she kissed be. Like sticking her tongue down my throat kissed. Ok I exaggerate a little but it was very passionate.
When she released me she told me to take off all my clothes and put them into the closet by the door.
When I stood there looking confused she told me again.
I was still a little confused but took my clothes off and put them nearly in the closet.
I looked up and she was seated in the chair drinking on of the drinks. She said bra and panties too. Everything. So I did. Once done she said to come there.
She grabbed my hand and said "Thank you t" she calls me t for Tracy. I blushed a little and she said she knew this was a big step for me then told me to go into the kitchen which she pointed to and get a plate for the scones.
Fortunately it was warm in her house. I walked naked into the kitchen. Fumbled around until I found a plate then came back to her.
She sat thank you t. Then she pointed at a pillow on the floor next to her chain and told me to sit so she could explain what was going on.
I sat and she said she noticed a lot of my tweets were about clothed male naked female. She wanted to see how I felt naked around her and how did it feel. I told her I didn't know. I was overwhelmed. She smiled.
She said thank you for the scones and hot chocolate. And for stripping without complaint. But if I didn't ask her for some soon the hot chocolate would grow cold! Then she said she wanted me to learn how to formally ask her for things. I was always to call her Miss B or Mam. So I should say Miss B may I please have or may I have something please Mam. Always say please and always say may not can. She knew I COULD have something, I was asking permission. She said to try and I asked permission to have the chocolate and a scone.
She smiled and said I did well and handed me a cup and one of the scones.
It felt weird and yet comfortable at the same time being naked in front of her. It happened so quickly. And she was still clothed and acting like there was nothing unusual about it.
I caught on that I was sitting on the floor and she was sitting in a chair but like the clothes it was weird yet at the same time if felt... Appropriate? Not sure the right word.
She said to relax. She was still worried about sub frenzy (damn I forgot to look that up!) and that we had just done the biggest thing for today. She wanted mainly to talk and just let me get used to being naked around her.
She asked how I felt about the word slave. (I guess she hadn't read that post in my Diary. (Or was acting like she hadn't). I told her I wasn't comfortable with it. She said it didn't mean slave like African-American slaves but not to worry about it. We wouldn't use it right now but warned me I would see it a lot as I learned.
She asked me I was staying no orgasms without her permission. I was. Was I wet for her. I smiled and almost lashed as I said " yes Mam." She asked what was funny and I told her I had been wet almost all the time since she contacted me. She smiled and said good girl.
I wonder if that has the same effect on every woman?
Then she said to show her. I stood up and looked at her confused. She said put my fingers in my pussy and hold them up. So I did and they were very wet. Another good girl then she told me to lick them off and sit back down. So I did and did.
Now she said how much of Miss Abernathy's book had I read. I admitted not much again. She frowned and said ok. She asked if I knew what type of slave or submissive I was interested in becoming. I didn't know. Ok, she said I probably fantasied about being a pleasure slave, most newbies did, but she guessed I was more a domestic slave but neither of them knew as I still had so much to learn. (More for me to look up. Edit: later she said it was in the book)
She asked if I meditated. No. Did I know much about it. No. She sighed and almost seemed exasperated. When I apologized she said no baby it wasn't my fault. Just meant a lot more to teach me.
Then she told me to stand up and put my hands behind my back and not to move. She reached over and started feeling my pussy and eventually my clit. She warned me not to cum. She kept going until I was getting close then took her hand away. She held it up and told me to lick it clean.
I was so worked up I could barely stand but I did. Then she told me to takes the cups and plate into the kitchen and to throw away the trash and clean the plate and put it where I got it.
I had juices flowing down my legs but I did what she told me to do.
When I got back she told me that was called edging. Come to the edge of orgasm and stop. I would get used to it and smiled.
She had moved the pillow to the corner and told me to sit facing the corner and try to meditate. I asked her what about and she said think about nothingness. (WTF?). So I sat there and did a miserable job of trying to think of nothing. (Does the phrase "Try not to think of a pink elephant" sound familiar?)
So I sat there and sat there and sat there. I'm pretty sure all I accomplished was forgetting I was naked in a semi-strangers house (thank god for heaters) and I didn't hear her on the phone ordering lunch.
She called to me and said lunch was coming soon and there was a floral print robe in the closet where I put my clothes and to put it on before answering then door.
A few minutes later the doorbell rang and she handed me a 20 dollar bill. I went to the closet and found the robe (more like a kimono... Wish I was shorter) answered the door and practically dragged the poor delivery boy inside and closed the door as 3 polar bears and a flock of penguin came in. :-)
I gave him the 20 and Miss B said from her chair to keep the change. I let him out and returned the robe to the closet.
Miss B said to just set the food in the kitchen and come back.
When I did she saw I was shivering and she reached for me and pulled me onto her lap. (Not an easy feat mind you. I'm 5'10' and while I'm in pretty good shape 5'10" is not light)
She just held me and rubbed me until I stopped shivering.
I swear that was as good as sex. Seriously.
She told me to go get the soup (soup and bread delivery...yummy!) as well as plates silverware and such.
I returned with it all (three trips actually as I didn't want to spill the soup!) and Miss B told me to sit down next to her by the chair side table (what are those called?)
Then we just ate and talked normally if you can consider it normal when one person is naked and kneeling on the floor. lol
But honest that's how it felt mostly. 90% of the time it felt normal and I didn't even think about it.
More importantly I was happy.
She asked me how I felt being naked around her. Fine. But naked and seated on the floor and serving her? Strange at first but I could get used to it. Especially if I knew she liked it and I kind of liked it.
"Baby, I don't just like it. I love it. And I'm so proud of you for doing it with no struggle."
Melt
"If you don't want to tell me today but I want you to do this every time you come here unless I have company. As soon as you enter strip and then come to me and kneel. Is that ok?"
Yes Mam
Tell me now if not. I won't be mad. We are still feeling each other out. Learning what we want and need
Yes Mam. I want this.
Wow. And I did. And apparently she did too. :-)
Ok, then those are new rules. Understand?
Yes Mam
Wow.
Ok, clear the food then come back and pull your pillow close and read your book. I assume you have kindle on your iPhone?
Yes Mam
Go get it turn on air-plane mode and you can read it that way.
Overwhelmed again I grabbed the dishes and took them into the kitchen. The act of hand washing them helped calm me.
When I was done I got my phone and came back and set next to her on the pillow.
I admit I thought more than I read and can't remember a thing. I'm going to have to read it again
Ok what else happened. She said I would have to learn to meditate but she would get me a book. In the meantime she wants me to spend 15 minutes each night sitting on my pillow (she gave me the pillow) just calming my mind.
She saw my nipples were pierced and asked when and when they would be healed. June 1st. She smiled said good and wrote that down.
Ruh row!
She also gave me a long price of rope (30'? 50'? I need to measure.). She told me just get used to it. Keep it with me. On the chair I'm sitting on. In bed. On my lap when I'm driving.
She also said to read the book. Is was a suggestion before. Now it's an order. Then she wants to talk about it.
She wants me to call her before I go to bed tonight.
She wants a good morning text when I first wake up and a good night text last thing before I go to sleep.
She wants me to think about a token or piece of jewelry to always have with me that will remind me of her.
She wants me to make a list of all my rules and tasks so I don't forget any of them. (The implication was in the future there would be consequences.)
Oh. Every 30 minutes or so except at work she wants me to feel my pussy and make sure it's wet and if not play with it until it it. And lick my hand clean.
Before I left she said I could ask her anything.
That through me. I wasn't ready for it.
What about pain? I know there is pain in BDSM. It scares me.
She thought and asked did I remember the feeling when the nipple clamps come off?
Yes
Hold that thought. How did it feel when they pierced my nipples. It hurt. How bad. Not bad. Try to remember. Was there a flood like the nipple clamps? I thought and yes there was. Hold that thought too. How do the nipples feel now? OMG they were awesome. Awesome how. I don't understand. Isn't it similar to the clamps and piercing? I thought. She said isn't it all the same and its pain and you like it just don't want to admit to yourself you liked it?
I was silent. It made so much sense yet my brain couldn't process it.
That's ok baby, just think about what I said (man have I ever!) and remember D/s is not automatically BDSM. We will figure this out as we go. I only want for you what you really want. The problem is neither one of us knows what that really is yet.
After a long pause she asked was there anything else?
Hesitantly I asked are you interested in me sexually? I've never been with a woman but I'm sure I want to now. (Worst. Pickup. Line. Ever.)
She laughed and said absolutely. I was beautiful to her in more ways than I could imagine.
Ok when you are naked and you blush beet red...
Then why hasn't she done anything?
She had just not much. Then she said (and I remember this word for word) "Babydoll, first I want you to want me more than anything in the world. So much it hurts. So much there is no chance you will ever leave me"
Jaw drop. Stunned. Blushing past beet red. Speechless. Still. I don't even know what to do with that.
She could tell and said no more today. She had pushed to far again.
She told me to go home and think about today (like I couldn't!) and read the book. Not only was there a lot to learn there was another book on meditation coming.
Ok, that's what I remember but I'm sure I forgot tons.
PS Sometime we talk about how busy I was with the thank you for following and adding people to the reading list and thanking every picture sent to me and... :-). She said keep trying but if it doesn't slow down by the start of the semester she would do something.
Whew!
t
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